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Use your words!

7 November, 2011

So, in my family, children who have words are told to use them, rather than to screech, point, yell, babble, whatever.

I am not a person comfortable with huge overt displays of emotion. I have about three emotional speeds: Normal, which is where I use my words; slightly emotional, which is like normal but with lots more ranty-whinge-y words; and OMG SHE’s FUCKING LOST IT.

I don’t much like the second. I really hate the latter. It takes a lot to push me there.

So for all intents and purposes, I really only have the two levels of anger: the one where I use words, and the one where I use more words and probably swear and bore the hell out of people.

So when I say, “I’m really angry about this,” or,”I’m really disappointed and pissed off,” that means that I am, in fact, angry.

When I raise my voice a little, and explain at length why I am angry? This is also my way of saying that I am angry. I say things this way when the first four times I told a person how I felt about something, using my words, words like, “no,” “angry,” “upset,” or sim, were not understood to mean “no,” “angry,” “upset,” or sim.

Likewise, if I say, “I’m sorry, but you missed your appointment, and then another one. It is not my responsibility to rearrange my schedule so you can not rearrange yours,” then the words and the tone are meant to indicate that I do not believe it is rational or just to expect me to rearrange my schedule to make up for someone else’s error.

I use my words.

Apparently, when I say those words, or any others that indicate to me that I am expressing my wishes or feelings clearly, what many other people hear is, “Oh, she’s just saying that.

Yes. I am just saying that so that you know I’m pissed off and do not want to go to stage three.

I fail at words.

UPDATE: Holy Crap. I marked this “Private” last night, and somehow WP decided to publish it. So, there’s something I didn’t expect to be out on the internets…

Actually, though, I was thinking about this. Normally, Ranty-Whinge-y is stage one, not stage two. Because stage two requires actually confronting a person. I am not good at that. Which explains stage three. Stage three is the result of all that energy and stress of having to stop a person, look them in the face, and calmly tell them I am not happy. Several times or more. Because the OMG stage only happens when I’ve been pushed to “you have now repeatedly put me into a really, really, really uncomfortable position and you are still not listening.”

Seeing as how this is out there, I might as well dig a bit deeper. *headdesk*

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. 7 November, 2011 1:00 pm

    I absolutely despise when I’m in a meeting (or any other setting where an exchange of ideas is taking place) and I know people will tend to misinterpret what I say a certain way so I very carefully select what I say and how I say it – and then they misinterpret what I just said anyway. This brings out a rather vicious sarcasm response mechanism which generally starts with, “Listen to what I said, not what you choose to think I said,” and can continue. This is one of my triggers. As for emotional speed three, I have that too and hate it – it’s literally been years now since I’ve gone there though folks who know me really well will understand that when I’m in an argument (or what may become an argument) and decide to take a walk it’s to keep the lid from blowing off. And if people knew what I say about them while I’m driving …

  2. 7 November, 2011 3:05 pm

    Gah. Yes. And yes. And why, oh why??? I hate losing my shit. It takes A LOT for me to lose my shit publicly. It recently happened after long, LONG and fruitless discussions where I wasn’t being heard by someone I’ve known well for 15 years. It was only when I lost my shit and hung up on them and refused to take their calls that they realized I meant what I’d been saying all along. I don’t want to have to yell, or cry, or punch walls for people to pay attention to what I’m saying (unreasonable of me, I know). Apart from embarrassing, it makes me an hysterical bitch. Yay no-win situations!

  3. 7 November, 2011 6:24 pm

    Well, this is interesting … This post was marked private last night, and somehow made it out into the world…

    OOPS!

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