Dear person offering to do my research for me,
Are you effing serious?
Also, eff right off.
Also, yeah, because what I do is sooooo easy. Clearly if I am having difficulties wrapping my head around diplomatics in German, you’ll be able to just go on the internet with your super-cool internet research platform and your not-yet-complete undergraduate degree and do it for me.
Did I mention…
Please eff off. Now.
ETA for Cranky Professor
Dear The Author of Blogenspiel,
I am following up on an email I sent you last Monday.
My name is [redacted], and I am an undergraduate student studying English, Philosophy and Cinema Studies at the University of Toronto. I am writing to offer you on-demand research support: a high quality intellectual service exactly when you need it.
The mechanics to facilitate this are easy since I am on the [redacted] research platform. [redacted] is based in Canada and was originally developed by professors for professors as a way to connect top students with faculty to assist them with their research. The platform is now open to serve the private sector. I was invited to contact individuals for whom I would be keen to conduct research. I chose you, among others, due to your field of work.
1) Visit http://www.[redacted].com, click “start your research,” and enter your research assignment,
2) Select how long you would like the researcher to spend on your assignment (in 2-, 4-, or 6-hr increments) and how fast you need the report delivered,
3) Register and pay (a 4-hr report can be as low as $69).
[Redacted] is so confident about the quality of its researchers’ work that it offers a full money-back guarantee. To see samples of the quality of work that we produce in just a few hours, please visit http://www.[redacted].com.[Redacted] researchers are top students from leading North American research universities who are selected and trained by professors. Many professionals spend a lot of time searching, synthesizing, and presenting information. Instead, we can do that quickly, effectively, and at minimal cost, making our clients more productive. The service is hassle free – researchers work on your assignments on demand (when you need it, without employment contracts or price negotiations).
So, if you are swamped and could use a highly motivated, high-performing student to save you time on tasks involving online research, then please let me know.
Should you have any questions, please feel free to be in touch. I am happy to contact you by phone if you prefer.
I’m really tempted to send them a list of German references on diplomatics and ask them for a precis in English… I bet it takes more than 4 hours!